Episode 51| Variables

Hey! Hi! It’s me MommaQueue. I welcome you to Moments in Queue. 

In Queue Today: Hi Why > Black Business > Who do Hoodoo > and Are you Kinky or Knot

I forgot my outro I guess I really talked too much. I tried to explain using your spiritual gifts on a daily. And I discussed being single in BDSM. Still keeping it kinky, black, and love. 

Chapters

• 0:34 Moments in Q and Q
• 5:27 Navigating Spiritual Gifts and Ancestral Guidance
• 21:19 Navigating Spiritual Guidance and Obstacles
• 28:13 Navigating BDSM Lifestyle and Relationships
• 37:36 Navigating Monogamy and Kink Safely

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:35

M-O-W-M-A-Q-D-W-E-D-W-E. That's my name, mama Q. M-o-w-m-a-q-d-w-e-d-w-e. That's my name, mama Q.

Speaker 2: 0:48

Say it faster. Slow don't really matter, though. The U-E gets a minute tongue tizzy.

Speaker 1: 0:53

Yo hey, kind of dizzy, bro. Who is she? Mama Q, mama gave birth little ways, no girth 60 years ago.

Speaker 2: 1:01

No, I don't want. Mo Q is a line and I tried to align this double end. Tundra petty, haha, it's one of my mantras, mama Q, I'm the first one in and the first one out. Memphis, tennessee, is my whereabouts, don't complain main saying stick it to one topic.

Speaker 1: 1:17

I reply your mind is very myopic with Mama Q. You need better optist picking and choosing to copy me. Are you inspired? No, definitely. No need to whisper, gracefully, I like it better off-key. Now let's see. Do you remember me? M-o-w-m-a-q-d-w-e D-O-W-E. That's my name, mama Q. M-o-w-m-a-q-d-w-e D-O-W-E. That's my name, mama Q.

Speaker 2: 1:53

Hey, hi, it's me Mama Q. I welcome you to Moments in Q and Q today. Hi, why Black Business? Who Do? Who Do? And Are you Kinky or Not? Hi, why, I give you the green of the day and I'm explaining why this episode. What's up my black folks? It's still black history. And guess what? I'm still black.

Speaker 2: 2:18

I have made this decision that my episodes will premiere on Mondays and Saturdays. This might change again later on in the year, depending on my work schedule, but for the moment, just know two episodes every other week. I prefer to be consistent, but I gotta mind the business that pays me. So if you want me to be more intentional and consistent, please support me so I won't need a job. Okay, thank you so much. Alright, I will shout out a consultant of Pure Romance, since it's still February, the month of love. Who Do will be a hodgepodge of info, but I'm hoping it will make sense on you using your spiritual gifts intentionally, kinkwise. Let's talk about being single and BDSM. Clearly I ain't, but y'all might be. Black Business. I highlight a black business to bring awareness and my experience with said business. As I said, it isn't a paid ad. I'm open to paid ads, but I definitely want to highlight black business. There's enough money for all of us to get it. This business woman is local, but her website is open to all. It is the internet, after all. She is currently with Pure Romance.

Speaker 2: 3:28

Pure Romance, if you didn't know, it's like Mary Kaye, but for adult fun. I know about Pure Romance for a while. Two ex-friends used to sell their products. Their products range from self-care like lotions and lingerie yeah, that's what I call it lingerie To solo play with vibrators. They even got the rose and I'm not talking about the thing that hopefully you got on Valentine's Day and it can even get wilder, like a sex swing. As a BDSM participant, I feel like Pure Romance ain't on my level, because what's on my level is usually the local home improvement stores, but it might be for you. So if you don't have a Pure Romance consultant near you, give Kadina Oliver your business Info in the show notes.

Speaker 2: 4:21

Who do? Who do I get to the root of? Who do Conjure up thoughts that pop into my mind about spirituality? Come on, get this work. I might repeat myself from previous episodes. What else is new? I might give too much details again. What else is new? I might stick with it.

Speaker 2: 4:39

The topic is intentionally using your spiritual gifts in your daily life. Now, normally my spiritual gifts show up unintentionally, without effort. For example, in my training class, a certain co-worker kept being known to me through Claire Cognizance but I couldn't pin it down Like what the fuck? And everything was like buzzing and everything and I was still like I don't know what's going on. Then it was physically revealed to me. Later I knew this dude's mom, all right. Another example at my job are our work badges. Some work badges look different. I finally noticed it yesterday and I swear today I learned the reason behind it. It means different access. So, yeah, it's like my questions get answered eventually, but I'm not intentionally looking to spirit for the answers.

Speaker 2: 5:28

Before I mention how crucial it is to pay attention to your spirits, let me remind you for me, when I say spirit, that includes my higher self, my spirit guides and my ancestors and, of course, honorable and enlightened ancestors. I don't call on all of them, all right, I call them all spirit when I don't feel like differentiating them Among spirit. I have different teams based on their abilities. I assign them different ways to communicate with me and yay, they listen. So during my training, I have to take tests. Now, before I complete my tests, spirit tells me if I'm good to go. I'm intentionally asking for assistance and accomplishing my training successfully accomplishing my training let's put some success on it, all right? So, thanks to my daily meditations, I'm now able to use my gift of mediumship and clear cognizance in tandem to better understand spirit. They give me motivation before I begin studying and remind me that white folks, they will always have the audacity.

Speaker 2: 6:29

And I am being arrogant but confident in my abilities to retain the info, because, for me, I feel like some of my coworkers are throwing at me, not using any kind of like work, but like maybe hating on me and wishing that I could, like, I guess, be on their level because I'm doing well and I'm going to continue to do well, because I'm putting that out there and stuff like that. So, of course, I have to definitely cover my hair because I feel it in my spirit. But one thing that I know is that You've probably seen it, I'm sure other people have seen it, but I know for me I see it that white people, they walk around with this arrogance about them and that's one thing that my ancestors told me that these white people will have arrogance in any sniff or look of a Black person, especially a black woman that feels confident and is successful. When they feel like what the fuck you're doing here and you shouldn't be, that, they would just, you know, feel a certain type of way, and so it's one of those things. It's cool when they do it, it's a problem when I do it. So it's like I shouldn't have to Dim my light or dim my intelligence and stuff and be proud of myself and be proud of the fact that I'm studying, I'm retaining the information, I'm learning the information and I'm displaying my ability to learn it. And if other people don't want to get on board and they Feel a certain type of way, hey, that's them All right. So that's what I mean about that.

Speaker 2: 8:04

Now there is another Example I want to use is the use of colors within your dreams. So, for example, I know someone if they go to sleep with the green light, their dream will be about the future, and if they use another color and I say red, that dream will be about love. And they are keeping a diary of the colors and their dreams to ensure the assumption of the color patterns are correct. This person's gift, if you didn't notice already is clairvoyance. So using their dreams and the colors can provide insight to their life and or others to better guide them or to warn them, if need be.

Speaker 2: 8:45

I too have been keeping a dream diary to help record my abilities, that I display my dreams and the worlds that I Frequently visit. So within my dreams I travel to the same place. Because it, because it always feels familiar with me in my dreams and After I wake I'm like, damn, I've been there before, and when I mean like in my dreams, like my, I guess I'm trying to say my subconscious it's like yo, you've been here before. It feels so familiar to me. Now, look, I don't quite know what this dream diary has to do with anything at this point in time, but I think I'm getting there and trying to figure it out. So we know that all of us, we all have spiritual gifts and we know that us, as humans, my use, you know our Abilities, for the wrong things and stuff. Some people might use it for hexes, curses, jinxes, whatever. Some, like me, use it to help others or defend myself against other people who might be throwing at me.

Speaker 2: 9:45

In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with also using your gifts to help yourself or others, but especially helping yourself. I don't think that it's considered selfish. Some people might feel like, oh my gosh, I need to help everybody. Blah, blah, blah. We put on our mask when it comes to the air airplanes. For a reason we have to take care of ourselves first before we can take care of others. That's been told to me many, many times by spirit. Has been told to me to my therapist, my mentor. I tell myself that and sometimes I forget to include myself in things, but I am trying to be better with that. So, again, there's nothing wrong with helping yourself, assuming the spirit agrees with you, that whatever it is that you're doing to help yourself is for you, it's the path and I guess your intentions quote-unquote are good.

Speaker 2: 10:38

I remember Hearing about a man that won the lottery and how did he find out the lottery numbers? Based off his dreams. The honeypot owner. She created the company based off her dreams. I remember hearing her talk. I forgot the lady name, unfortunately. I remember her talking on juju Bay's podcast and she said that and I am paraphrasing. But the honeypot owner? She had said that she was having Lots of yeast infections and stuff like that and some people who don't know about that might be like she, nasty, but no, that happens if you are a person who well, no, it doesn't matter what sex organs you have, you can get yeast infections. But it's definitely More possible for those that have a vulva to get yeast infections. So she was getting these yeast infections in some way somehow again, a paraphrasing, because it's been a moment since I listened to that particular podcast episode from juju Bay, but she was saying how an ancestor came to her dream, told her what herbs to use to help with her yeast infection and then, tada, honeypot was born. So Hopefully that is making sense, but those are examples of people who again use their Spiritual gifts and use the help of spirit to help themselves or with honeypot to help others.

Speaker 2: 12:09

Now, bringing it back to me, I was told some years ago what to put on. My ancestor also threw a gene with one of my ancestors. I had another dream that told me how to create a very important working and my ancestors they have helped me get my job and my man my man. Thank you, ancestors from my man. All right, I told the ancestors what kind of man I wanted and, poof, a month later we got together.

Speaker 2: 12:37

I told the ancestors how much a dollar is worth and in 2023, I mean, I'm pretty sure due to inflation, is changed. But they got a general idea how much a dollar is worth because again and when I mean a dollar mean USD, you know United States dollars, okay, whatever. Because again I've looked at the senses and stuff like that and I've seen Senses from my ancestors and you know about how much money on certain senses, how much they paid or how much they're way something around money and you know it was like five hundred dollars, and so five hundred dollars back in those days versus five hundred dollars back in these days are two totally different things. So if you tell Again this is my experience if I tell my ancestors, yo, I need to have some more money and I need this amount of money, they might be like, damn, the fuck is wrong with you. You know like why can't you just be Contemplate with you? Have again, I'm just making up something or whatever like that. But you know they might think that that money is sufficient. Then once you start telling them, hey, this is how much USD is worth. This is how much Um rent or mortgages worth. This is how much my utilities is. This is how much all of my expenses are.

Speaker 2: 13:57

Once you start telling them that, I feel like that can help them make a better Choice idea on how to help you. Again, my personal experience, that's what I did. I literally went to my alter, explained to them how much dollars worth what in in like 1865 Up until now. I explained to them all the type of bills that I have, why I need certain bills and how much. That is just again so they can totally understand, like I don't want to say the severity of it, but just also so they can understand that what I don't know, like maybe what $500 could probably get them a whole lot back in their days. That might be one bill for some people. You know what I'm saying. So I was able to do that and I wholeheartedly believe that once I was able to explain that to them and to continue to explain to them what's going on in the world, that helped them understand what's going on in the world, which we know nothing is new under the sun. But in addition to that, that also helped them understand inflation, understand social media, understand the inner workings of everything, so that again they can better assist me. So I'm saying all these things.

Speaker 2: 15:12

This is not me bragging, this is a testimony and I don't know when. But I might decide to give a testimony to really break down how grateful and thankful I am about the ancestors and stuff. But this is just like a high level explanation of it. But it might sound so easy, like a snap of the fingers, like on Thanos and the blessings, the assistance came to me. That is far from what happened. Okay, you know it wasn't easy because, number one, energy can change. So what might have been good for me two months ago might not be good for me at another moment and stuff. So you have to hold that into.

Speaker 2: 15:57

I was going to say account yeah, that's the word I'm looking for. You have to hold that into account and not be so quote, unquote hard on the ancestors spirit, whomever is helping you, you know, and that's not the only thing that could happen, you know. You know that of course you should know that a lot of times people say you know, don't tell people. J Cole said this don't tell people your dreams so they won't shoot them down. We know that sometimes people can throw at you and if they throw at you and they're successful, that could like, mess up whatever plans that you have and stuff like that, and so that's why one of the many things is that you don't tell people what you're doing when it's in the workings of it, and even when you have it, you still might need to put some extra defense on it as far as defense workings, just things to keep whatever it is coming to you. Or another thing oh my gosh, I'm getting so much downloads as I'm saying this.

Speaker 2: 16:57

But another thing is when it comes to like, for example, a lot of people like to ask for assistance money, wise, financial. There's nothing wrong with also asking hey, when I get this amount, please give me the knowledge, the ability to know how to use, utilize it, how to keep money flowing in, just things like that. And, of course, your ancestors. They can only work with within their abilities, and what I mean by that is again that say, for example, you have had ancestors who own successful businesses, who own properties. They can understand I mean, you might have to explain it to them how it was back in their days, if it's been a difference with present day, but they probably have the ability because they have the first hand experience on how to do it.

Speaker 2: 17:47

Again, not everybody. Especially again, when I talk about who to, of course I'm talking about African descendants and part of the diaspora. But you know, especially with us black folks, we might not have had those abilities to be quote unquote good with money due to the lack of money, good with money due to systemic oppression and all these other things that has not allowed us to be successful. But again, if you have had ancestors who had experience with that, they could be able to help you like hey, you know, I used to own a home back in the day, so let me tell you how to make this work and stuff like that. And then, if they don't have these abilities, again that's where it goes back to me explaining them how to how things work, so that they can again do the, so they can have enough information to best do their job.

Speaker 2: 18:38

So, for example, at this point in time, I don't have any honorable and enlightened ancestors that knows how to work properties. So therefore, could I ask them about helping me get a house, or asking them to help you run a property management business? Sure, but if that's not their area expertise, they might not be as helpful as one who has the experience would be, but then I could probably help get them there by explaining the rules and how much income it can come and things of that nature. I know that that's a lot of information with that, but you have to, like all these different variables have to be taken into account and I'm not into astrology at all, can't even talk to you about that. But some people even will use the different energies of the plants oh well, plants to even though that's not what I was trying to say Planets, different auspicious times, all this stuff. So again, there's so many different variables that you have to put in in order for it to come to you. So I'm not gonna say it's going to be easy, but you know you might have to keep a written diary of how to make it work.

Speaker 2: 19:51

There could be other things that could potentially prevent you from obtaining, like you could have done every single thing that you were quote unquote supposed to do and you still might not be able to obtain it, and that could be a roadblock, and that roadblock could be like different things. So, for example, on the roadblock to be yourself, you could not believe in yourself and think that you are not worthy to receive whatever it is that you're asking for it or you. There's power in the tongue, and not in a nasty way, but there's power in the tongue. So, again, your words might not sound comforting, your words might sound negative, where the universe, ancestor, spirit, whoever, might not understand what you're trying to say. So, for example again lots of examples, so it can make sense is that if you say, hey, I want to have a job that does not have blah, blah, blah, oh, my gosh, if you put the word does not, that could make spirit, whomever is assisting you, be like okay, I got you, or whatever, and that not just fucks it up. So you could be like I want a positive working environment, you know. So, instead of putting those negative words in there, put the correct words in there so that you can be understood as best as you can, have confidence in yourself, believe in yourself and you know. If that fails, try to see if you can get somebody to do the working for you.

Speaker 2: 21:20

Another thing that could be preventing the roadblock is could be spirit themselves. Spirit might not think that you are ready by not think that. That's my think that this is the wrong path. For you. That's not in alignment, and for me, where that comes from and I'm pretty sure it's like this for everybody. But again, I can only speak about my experience. But I'm pretty certain that your higher self is the one who gives permission for blessings to come towards you.

Speaker 2: 21:52

If other spirits that's on your spirit teams give you things, and you know, for example, your ancestors might think yeah, yeah, yeah, get I don't know $100 million, and then your higher self might be like nah, nah, nah, you can't get $100 million because you might not be ready or there's certain things coming down a pipe that might prevent you from doing it. Or, again, it's not the path that's going to align with you, because we also have to understand the different dynamics of spirit and what the capabilities that spirit can do and can't do. Again, that's a lot, but you know you talk to them and stuff and they can help you, okay, so another thing that could be preventing you is other forces, and again, you know that whole quote, I don't want to even say like evil or whatever like that, but there could be other things Again, whether it's physical, like people literally throwing at you, people literally putting in work to prevent you from being successful, or there could be, like you know, you shine the light because you're using your spiritual gifts. And there could be other spirits that are like hell no, we don't want you to be successful in this or whatever and stuff. So that could, like, mess it up and that barrier could be so quote unquote powerful that your spirits can't break it. And why could they not break? It Could be different things. It could be because they aren't being fed, they don't have enough energy Also known as Ashe for them to be able to break through. It might take a moment and stuff, or, again, it might not be time, it might not be your path. Again, so many many things. And if they aren't fed, if they're aren't taken care of, and if everything is not aligned, it might take a while for them to answer you, assist you, or it might happen Instantaneously. It all depends. So, like you, spirit needs to be fed and, as I've said before, there's different ways to speak to feed spirit. You have to talk to them to see what works for them. Some people have altars for the different spiritual team, for the different parts of spirit. There's in their spiritual court. Again, whatever it is that they need from you to help them, you know if you do it and you listen to them and have this great working relationship. I believe that that could help and stuff. And so for me the proof is in the pudding, all right.

Speaker 2: 24:24

Another thing about using your spiritual gifts. Pretty sure I mentioned this, but I just want to do it again. My mini me told me two times that it was going to snow. That's when we had that big ass snowstorm in January. And then what? Maybe a couple of weeks ago I can't remember, but a couple of weeks ago we had snow flurries. And it was so funny because after we had that big ass thing of snow, she was like Mama Q, it's going to snow again. I'm like what the fuck? Around Memphis, tennessee, we only get that big thing of snow once. We don't get it back to back with the book. And so I knew I should have listened to her and believed her like, because the first time she said it happened and show enough, like I said, snow flurries came down. So that's again her using her abilities to be able to predict things and stuff.

Speaker 2: 25:17

And with me, as I've said before, I know the power of the tongue and I know them that there are so much powers in my words. I feel like my words have the ability to inspire and ability to cut like a knife, because I'm pretty much so. What I'm trying to do is be very intentional with my words and use it to create powerful mantras and manifestations to help me and spirit out. So I'm hoping that all of this is making sense and stuff. I know I'm all over the place and everything, but these are just the thoughts that I wrote down and the downloads that I'm receiving.

Speaker 2: 25:57

So I guess, in conclusion, what I'm suggesting to you is to meditate, if that's your thing or whatever it is that is required and or needed for you to build a relationship with your spirit, but build a relationship within yourself, because, of course, you need confidence and whatever it's going to take to, I guess, clear all the noise, because for me, I'm always going and thinking about stuff before it happens and just like trying to keep focused that sometimes, as I've said in previous episodes, I can miss important things or not so important things that spirit tells me and stuff, and so I think that if you're so focused, you can miss something, and by being one with yourself and just slowing down, even if it's for I don't know seven minutes, I meditate every day for about seven minutes is not a whole lot, but I feel like so far it's enough to have me do what I need to do. I'm able to get encouragement from my ancestors and stuff, which is great oh man, that helps encourage me and stuff and I'm able to get herbs and other things that need to be done. If I'm talking to different family members that I'm cool with, if there's things that I need to say to them, I'm able to get that out there. It's just I feel like with me intentionally setting just a small amount of time for me to meditate and here, even though Claire audience is not my gift, but just go with me, me to be able to hear what Spirit is saying, it's totally worth it to me. So, with all that being said, I hope that what I said again makes sense and I hope that your blessings, your juju, your positive manifestations, all of these things, if it's your path and it's meant to be, I hope it brings you positive change within yourself, within your ancestors and within your community. I'll show you Are you kinky or not.

Speaker 2: 28:14

I'm a proud kink-ster at the BDSM community. Let me tell you about this lifestyle to see if you want to come over to the dark side, we got candles. Being single in BDSM is not bad, but it can make you insensitive, secure and susceptible to predators. So keep your wits about yourself. As you know, when I joined the BDSM community, I already had my sir, but he wasn't physically with me, so it was like I was alone, even though I was partnered. But yeah, he wasn't physically here. I think I asked to submit to him around Good Friday. Damn, that was like nine years ago, wow. And some months later, october, I found my now ex-local community Serendipitous, if you ask me. Anyway, when I first entered the community, I saw couples and a few throuples. I felt alone navigating this new world BDSM and being on the Kiki website. I stumbled a few times but luckily nothing life-threatening, dangerous happen. Woo, I learned there is nothing wrong with being single in the lifestyle.

Speaker 2: 29:20

Depending on people's dynamic, they might consent to playing with you and or being in a play partnership relationship. More often than not, people's romantic partners are also their play partners, although I do know of married couples who consent to their spouse playing and explore the BDSM without them because it's not their thing and most likely their vanilla. Now, obviously, these relationships have different boundaries that work for everyone involved. There are some married people who are secretly in this lifestyle due to fear rejection from their spouse. That's deceptive to me and I don't like it, but my therapist has always remind me I can only control myself, not others. That's the yeah, and there's this other side of it. Of course, I talked about it at the beginning, but I want to obviously delve into it a little bit more.

Speaker 2: 30:12

There are also some people who are predators. No matter where you go, you're going to find them, unfortunately, and so some predators. They like being with people who are single within the lifestyle and definitely who are new, because that combination together gives them the ability Sometimes it gives them the ability to do whatever they want to you, because you might not know, and they don't have to quote, unquote, respect anybody because you are unpartner. Now, I'm pretty sure I talked about this before, but I want to remind you again that one of the things when it comes to dealing with people like that, if you are unpartnered and you want to ensure that you don't have anybody, have yourself a protector, and this is someone who can who's not your dominant dumb A or anything like that. They are just literally what the word says protector, where they will be able to speak for you when it comes to negotiations. You can say hey, you can speak to nobody but my protector.

Speaker 2: 31:15

These are people who are looking for your best interest when it comes to the lifestyle community and or they being around the lifestyle community for a while and therefore they have a general assumption and an understanding of how people could book and act if they are predators. Another thing to do is there's this thing called munches and when it comes to munches, if you want to meet a person from the Kinky website or meet up with anybody within the Kinky lifestyle and stuff, you don't know if you can trust them, yet meet them at a munch. Usually, if they say no to a munch which is out in public around people, then that's probably most likely a red flag. And number two, if these people have been around in the community for a long time or you know there are some people come in and out of the lifestyle and stuff like that so they could probably vet these people. Now, of course, you have to say, you have to take what they say. What is it with the grain of salt? But that could help you because again, there's somebody assuming that the person who's telling you is someone who knows about the lifestyle enough that they can say yay or nay to someone. And again, you're the one who makes the final decision.

Speaker 2: 32:33

But you know, sometimes there are people who can see other sides of people that you might not see because your bright-eyed, bushy tail. You want to like you're going through a frenzy. You want to just go through everything and experience this and have fun and you're hoping to find a partner who you can share these things with or play with partner, something like that. And again, the energy and stuff you give off could signal to predators that you might be naive Whether it's naive again within the lifestyle or just naive in general and stuff and again that could hurt you, not in a good way, that could make you not ever want to try this lifestyle again if you come across someone who's rubbed you the wrong way and not in a good way and stuff. So there's again back to what I've been saying is there's different variables to it and stuff like that. So you just have to definitely definitely if it's somebody that you want to have a play partner with or a relationship with, you definitely have to watch out and pay attention to them and their actions and and that them and stuff. So if you are somebody who wants to have a romantic partner regardless, well, in hopes that you know this romantic partner is also in the lifestyle, or if they are vanilla, you know, hopefully they consent to you having a monogamous ish relationship. But we're just going to focus on romantic partners and stuff.

Speaker 2: 34:01

Most vanilla people think BDSM is all about sex and or heavy play like they see on TV. It can be consensually, of course, but there I believe there's different niches within BDSM. That's for everybody. You know, if you're good at telling people to exercise shit, see if you could be a gym dominant, or you can see if you can incorporate that into your partnership where you know maybe your partner Again consent, but maybe you know you can slowly introduce your partner. If they are originally vanilla and they're open and interested to the lifestyle, you can show them there's other types and you can work, work on their strengths that they have, so that you know and who knows, it doesn't really have to be the name dominant, submissive or anything like that. You don't have to have titles, but you know you can start off slow and start off with something that's just not so much out there Now with all the impact, play, candle waxing, tying up and all of that other stuff. And speaking of tying up, there is that part of BDSM that, again, is not impact. People just like to be tied up, suspended and all this other stuff.

Speaker 2: 35:10

Again, you want to vet these romantic partners, just like you would vet them if you want to participate with them vanilla, you know, and just have a regular relationship. But you definitely got to be cognizant and pay attention, because two newbies coming together, that's not a recipe for disaster at all. But it's another thing that you would have to work on, because I feel like you're already working on the relationship as it is getting to know a future partner and stuff, and now you're going to add a dynamic of BDSM where it's almost like, dang, you just met that person. So again, read books, take baby steps and stuff like that and just don't try to like hide that side of you. If that is something that you really and truly want to explore, you have to be upfront with your potential partners and, believe me, I know how scary it can be to meet your proclivities because, like what if they laugh? What if they think you're a widow? Well, I say, that is what. Maybe that person isn't for you.

Speaker 2: 36:12

I told my therapist before I met my partner that I was like you know, it's already a small circle of me being into BDSM, even smaller circle of me being polyamorous and I like black being. I want to be with them. This circle is just getting smaller and smaller. And again, shout out to the ancestors, shout out to my man, my man, my man, thank you to my man. You know he accepts me, as I've said so many times before. He accepts me as I am and of course, he likes to play around with me saying how monogamous, not, not monogamous, but how monogamous I have been in this relationship but I still claim polyamory. But me admitting the type of person I am from who do BDSM, polyamory, didn't scare him away and make him say hell, no, you know he accepted it and stuff like that and he's trying Well, bdsm. I doubt he'll ever come over to the dark side. He could change his mind, but he's accepting in an okay with it and without him knowing it, even though this is not the hood section, he started to do some hoodoo things with me and stuff like that. So again, you just never know what might happen and you do want to give the person an opportunity per usual to consent and stuff like that, and also for them to at least see if it's something that they're interested in and stuff. So, you know, just take that and figure it out.

Speaker 2: 37:37

Now back to the monogamous ish part.

Speaker 2: 37:40

Um, you know you can try to have a happy meeting with someone like that.

Speaker 2: 37:46

You know, like I said, some people who I know their heterosexual relationships and it's usually the wife and so of course, the husband's like, oh, you know, you can't receive spankings or what that from a man and stuff like that.

Speaker 2: 38:00

Although there was this one woman who I know she had herself a whole, entire dominant and stuff, um, because her husband wasn't into the lifestyle at all, they both came in together, tried to experience it. She kept it, um, and he was like, oh no, that's not for me, and stuff. So I think that that's helpful because, again, that allows in my opinion, that allows both people within this marriage to be happy with each other. Everybody is consenting and you know they accept and understand that there's this side of someone when there's something that they can't fulfill, but they trust themselves, they're secure with themselves and they trust their partner spouse. What have you to be able to do this, so you know whatever. So maybe the happy medium is you being monogamous, ish and um that will allow others to choke you every now and again. Whatever your kink is, ensure that you do a safe, sane and consensual.